I’m starting to think that Tuesdays are nothing but bad luck for me. Last week I was sidelined from watching Temptation Island due to having four of my teeth forcibly ripped from my mouth.

This week I had a dizzy spell on Tuesday and had to put myself to sleep about an hour before show time. A night laden with disappointment. I do think that Pancake has been enjoying these min breaks since he doesn’t have to hear me ask if he loves Yoga Bae Brittney more than he loves me.

How fun to see that this week’s episode was choc fucking full of time spent with Brittney in a bikini.

But let’s start at the top.

Bonfire was fucking rough this week. Much like Kaci, I too am being tortured by how upset the girls are getting from seeing their men borderline cheat. I feel that same pain every time my fiance goes on a date with a blonde. Or looks at the TV when Brittney is on screen. Or even breathes. I further see how much Mark L Walhburg is hell-bent on wrecking these homes.

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I will say though that Jon’s threat to go “savage” is highly alluring because I am still team Dump Kady. Get. Fucking. Savage.

Date selection was lacking in surprises this week. Pancake chose Yoga Bae which of course is a dagger in my soul. It was especially painful because I WENT TO YOGA TODAY and he didn’t get turned on by that at all. It was aerial yoga which I believe is the sexiest form of the yoga practices.

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I chose Tyler. Tyler and I actually have a few things in common since we both have a film background and are both from New York. I expect things to go well.

Things did not go well on Pancake’s date as he has motion sickness and I like to imagine that he threw up all over his Yoga Bae and she now finds him less attractive.

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Meanwhile, on my date with Tyler, we had a great conversation on the discouraging lack of people of color in the film industry. We also had to have an awkward conversation about my religious beliefs because there was a lot of pork at the luau and I can’t touch the stuff. He seemed pretty chill about it.

The sexual tension is starting to get pretty high in the TI house and along with it the toxic machismo. Looking at you Dr. John. My house does not have that problem because I’m devoting all my time to working out until my body is superior to Yoga Bae and Pancake is finally coming to the realization that maybe their relationship isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

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I hope next week involves less cleavage.